Two weeks ago today, at almost the exact time, I stood at the very spot that this picture was taken – in a park I often pass on my way home from work. It’s on a hill and is very beautiful.
Two weeks ago today, we were deeper into winter and the sky was not playful or pink. It was dark and full of twinkly unknowns and glimmery shadows. It was dark, and I sobbed. I only stood because I had someone to hold me. I was not ready to hear the saddest words I thought I could never process. I am still trying.
In another two weeks the sky will be even brighter at that time of night and winter will be faster asleep under the slow creeping blanket of spring. And I will have had another fortnight of memory to digest and smile. Time really doesn’t give you a choice, you either keep smiling or not.
If nothing else, the only good I can see out of all of this battery-draining, awful-numbing loss is the realization that I want to write. The whirlwind of emotions in the entire experience set me adrift in a place, where at times the only peace and solace I found, was in its documentation. I found stability in laying the words out in order, instead of having them bouncing around, behind my eyes and making mud out of my thoughts. Perhaps this has been the impetus for me to finally acknowledge that, I love words. I wake up to them attacking me, flapping tiny velvety wings. “Wake up, we want to dance.”
One of the things that froze and splintered my heart the most was when Trudy cried that her boys will not remember him. I told her that I am going to write them books about the Story of Gramps; his adventures are too grand and too many not to be penned. Books that will make his grand-babies know and remember, even if they don’t. They will. I don’t want anyone to forget him, even people he never met and the lives he never touched.
If you have any stories about him or thoughts, or words, winks, nods, smiles to share. Email them to me (allofthecannons@gmail.com) and I promise he will never be forgotten. It is an easy promise to vow to not let the impossible happen. How could he ever be forgotten?
Perhaps I will start another blog of my own; where I can devote full-time dedication to making fun of Trudy… or examining the direct correlation between the sound of a child screaming and me wanting to pour another glass of wine… or ligers, nobody talks about ligers enough. Or Trudy posing with ligers, the possibilities are totally endless, but I digress…
In any event, I would like to extend the deepest most honest thank you, to you all for sharing this journey with us so far. I might not update this blog everyday and with as much frequency, but I am going to write it all down, and press it then to paper into a book to read, read, read. Because this is all for my dad, it always was and always will be.
I love you, dad.
Tracy, over the last few weeks you have laid your soul bare for us all to share the roller coaster ride you, Trudy and you Mum were going through. You really do have a way with words and some of the expressions used have had me in tears at the sheer elegance with which you express yourself.
Use that talent and I write your stories for the boys. They will never forget the short time they knew Gramps; I speak from experience having lossed my father at 7 years old. His memory is almost as fresh today as it was 65 years ago.
Though I knew Jim for only a short time I’ll send you an idea of how Gramps kept cool with a big aircraft propeller. One of his recent adventures!
But now I have to go to one of the fonts of knowledge. Tuesday mornings I help the elderly in the intriguing world of computers.
Gordon.
What excellent news to wake up to… yes, I check your blog when I wake up. I have followed your updates over the past week and been absolutely blown away by your way with words. You have carried us along on your journey with a raw honesty that is unparalleled. I am thrilled to hear that you will keep writing. The boys are lucky to have you. I have no doubt your books will find their ways onto many shelves. They’ll be on my shelves for sure.
Just beautiful Tracy. Re-arrange those words how you like. We leave Trinidad today taking our memories with us. They will always be there, safe.
Gosh y
Oops! What I was trying to say was that we don’t even know each other and I read your blog every day. That’s how good a writer you are so keep it up. I can’t wait to read “The Adventures of Jim Craig” myself!
Dear Niecelet
Tears are still drying on my face. I feel something beautiful will now rise from the ashes. Jim will be known throughout the whole wide world for sure.
I, like many others, will be able to provide you with antics galore.
Write on into the sunset. Go girl, go!
Tracy thank you so much for all your blogs you are fantastic with words & brought tears & laughter through this journey. Jim will forever live on in our memories he was such a wonderful man.We will be thinking of you & all the family,With much love Aunty Kay & Aunty Linda xxoo
Love you Tracy…. you make me smile like sunshine through the gloom of sadness… in other words you may very well be our consistent rainbow
Tracy,
Although I likley cannot express my thoughts and feelings as eloquently as many of those who have commented before me, suffice it to say that I will unquestionably add your book to my Library and surely distribute a few copies to others that, even though they might not have known Jim (and you “guys”), would be totally enthralled by your writings.
I know also that I would contribute a story or two myself.
Things like raining oranges, young grapefruit and yams onto the Royal Hotel roof etc. Count on me for support for the book as well as keeping the “All of the Cannons” blog alive.
Dont give up writing..you are gifted..really enjoyed reading your blogs..and thought this should be a book someday. Knew your Dad from Yacht Club and met him sometimes by the green grocer by Sydenham Ave. as I live in Cascade..his first words were”What the F… you doing here? You going to the Club later? Will miss him
for sure…………….
I love you, I love your words, and Jim would overflow with pride. I can’t WAIT for your books! AAAHHHHHHHH – the start of something beautiful and unforgettable!
Tracy,
You certainly have a gift of writing and a wonderful way with words. We followed your blog from the beginning with hope, tears and all different kinds of emotion but it was wonderful being able to follow, being so far away from your mum and dad. The hawian shirts at Jim’s service was just what Jim would have loved, everyone bright and colourful just like his character. Your lovely dad will never be forgotten he left such beautiful memories with so many people, we definitely have a lot of our own. I said it before but your mum and dad made trinidad for us such a wonderful place to be and we so glad that they holidayed and stayed here in scotland with us. We have a lovely photo of your dad he was so thrilled at finding a street in edinburgh called “James Craig Walk” so we have a picture of him standing proud of place. I did try calling the house but since found out from Fe that the landline was down. Please please give your mum all our love.